Its ME

I read and reread the words that I have written.

It seems crazy to me that I used to be that person.. that person with those thoughts.

That person who wanted so badly to leave a lasting impression on someone, anyone..

A person who didn’t know about where she’d be later.

That person that wanted to leave a piece of herself behind.

Maybe I can… but it just seems like I am running headfirst into these walls built by..

built by..

Who the fuck is building the walls that surround me?

I think I know now.

Forgetmenot.

It was just what it was,

Nothing more.

Delicate

I’m stuck on the delicate cycle.

Let me live,

Let me fuck up and fix it on my own.

Let me start new things that won’t last.

It’s nice to have supportive people in my corner, but I am getting older I should stop asking for so much advice on every little thing I do.

Don’t get me wrong I definitely need to stop and think things through, but it’s ok to mess up.

Coffee Shop any Fancy Shoes

I love coming to the coffee shop near my house in my tippy tappy shoes.

As I sit here I try to think of what that terrible thing is that I forgot…

Nothing on my calendar for the rest of the week…

Gave my glasses, keys, phone, book, pencil, but oh, I just know that there is something…

My sister’s birthday!

The Way It Is

Does everyone think constantly about what they forgot to remember?

It’s like a plague on my mind or something.

To me, because my memory is the way it is, I am always thinking I forgot to do something.

I’m never completely relaxed unless I’m sleeping next to Nishant..

Maybe that’s why it takes me medication and a long time to fall asleep.

IWASSICKTHISMORNING

🤦‍♀️ 😝 👶

I am nothing, that means everything.

Did you ever think about how small you are? Not like in pant size, but in the grand scheme of things.

We are made out of star dust, and we are floating on a star that is floating through space with an unimaginable amount of other stars.

Here I am worried about my inability to make money to travel to far off places and write about it, an inability to drive.

I’ll tell you what I am able to do.. I am able to decide for myself what I’m going to wear, able to walk, to talk, and able to connect with other people. Able to empathize and sympathize and love and able to decide what I don’t like. Sometimes I can cook and bake, sometimes..depending on who you ask. There was a time when that could have all been ripped away from me.

When ppl were worrying whether or not I’d return as a version of me that would remember their faces.

ENIGMA

MANIA

What do I say to you?

When I get like that, there is nothing anyone can say or do to change my thinking..

What do I do?

I remember it was so embarrassing.

Then I think about how the system is made to stifle the silent, or not so silent, cries.

What was it I was writing yesterday?

It was something about those cries…

Cries for freedom .

Cries for safety.

Cries for connection.

I can sit here and write. I can write and no one can stop me.

Calmly sitting here trying to digest whatever new news is out there.

BreathBREATHEBreathBREATHE.

I wrote a long blog entry yesterday.

Deleted it on accident.

🤦‍♀️