ItyinkIwritebetterwhenI’mmanic…

Easy

It’s easy to think about it

It’s so easy

It just gets hard when I force it

It feels like I am forcing it

Confusing the way it is

I’ll never be over it. It haunts me. This feeling that if it were different things would have worked out better.

If she had lived it would be..idk, different maybe.

Stop. Stop it. Hhfdddvggccfx!

You are alive.

That should be enough. You sound selfish and whiny.

What’s more you have food and I roof.

Brief Psychosis Disorder

Am I going to keep getting new illnesses forever?

Like I turn 27 it’s psychosis.

I turn 40 and it’s arthritis.

Then when I’m completely unable to move it is dementia or something.

What do I want people to know about me? What do I want people to remember?

I was nice.

Good at art but not at finishing anything.

Just relax

Do not tell me to relax

I can’t relax.

I should be driving by now, I should have a career, I should have a goddamn life by now!

I used to say I was an artist…

What art do I make?

Is this art?

Am I ok?

Am I broken?

Fuck you Putin

I’m not so sure how to phrase what I am feeling or thinking.

I

Have

No

Idea

Why

I

Feel

So

Trapped.

I don’t know what is happening with the world rn.

Fucking Putin needs to sit the fuck down.

I don’t know if I will have children in this messed up world.

I mean first off I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Secondly what kind of world is even going to be left once my babies pop out?!

It’s kind of sad, I wanted to see the babies I’d make.

Maybe I should travel. Maybe I can’t?

Where would I go?

Ireland?

California?

I feel heart broken, but at the same time I feel freer than I have felt in awhile.

Positive Energy

I don’t think I have any…

Was that just a negative statement? Things will always end up being just the way they are and nothing more.

I don’t even know if I’ve laughed genuinely in a long time.

Am I afraid.?

And why don’t I talk much?

Naturally Normal

This new medication is causing me to have no desire to do the things that brought me so much joy. I don’t understand why I can’t behave normally naturally.

It’s The End of the World as We Knew it

It’s ok

I’ll be ok

Just a matter of when.

Can I tell you something?

I don’t know if this is the end.

It’s not looking so good though…

Silence

I open the ‘Wordpress’ tab on my phone.

It opens,

Now, I used to be able to write and talk so easily, it makes no sense.

Maybe I am broken?

Or maybe just not well?

There I go again…

I can’t help it.

I stand in a room and I can’t hear but I know they are talking.