I feel exhausted. Drained, like I’ve started something significant. I am trying to figure out volunteering at a rehab, but that isn’t what I believe to be significant. I mean maybe it will turn out to be life changing, but I have decided to per sue oil paint. If I put my whole heart in it maybe I can be great.
Oil painting is what I think will be significant.
I’m reading “Setting the River on Fire” by Kay Redifield, also I have watched most of this show called “Spinning Out”.
I’m sad bc I see how much similarities I have. How I have an injury that so many people just read about and thank god it’s not themselves.
I’ve barely even got past the introduction of Setting the River on Fire and I can tell it’s going to pull a lot out of me. I have lived through manic episodes, and manic depression. I used to call my manic depression episodes my ‘depression bouts‘.
I have done an awfully good job, I think. I mean I haven’t died yet or gotten injured too badly. I can honestly say I think my bipolar is managed.
I won’t let my medically managed self become nothing more than a person who tried and failed.