Monthly Archives: December 2012

Me

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P

I have an admirer, we met bc he also is forced by fate to ride the LOOPbus to get anywhere he wants to go.

Over the months he learned that I liked to paint.

Moral: he bought me a set of art tools that are so beautiful I was sad. Sad because I realized just how pathetic my art supplies were that I had been using.

Sad because I hadn’t really thought much about it before, (like at all.)

Does that mean I am not a real artist?
I forced myself to paint.

“What if I just think this is beautiful because I find beauty so easily in everything?”
“What if its not as beautiful as I am thinking?”
“It is just the beginning, things always change, don’t they change usually”

I will not paint under these conditions.

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Our socially accepted way of competing in almost every aspect of life is a hard way not to follow.

IwritemysentenceslikethisbecauseIonlywantpeoplethathonestlycaretoapplythetalentsthatgodgavethem,onlythosepplwhoarepatientenough,onlythosepplthatcanbend andusetheirbrains will figure out what I am saying. I only want intelligent ppl to read some things, so those things I write withnospaces. If you care enough to figure out the rhythm of sentencestructurestuff then you’ll see mywords loud and clear legibly.
I started to care abt ‘views’ when I saw how certain blogs getposted on that ‘Freshly Pressed’ section, and others dont.

Our socially accepted way of competing in almost every aspect of life is a hard way not to follow.

ButsometimesI(you)havetobreakbondswithcompeting, sometimes you have to grow and learn that this is the way I is, and if you don’t want to read it then don’t.
Sometimes I like to write normally, but sometimesIgetsoexcited and I just need to spit it out.
OthertimesIwantmymomtoknowthatIwastryingtobesecretiveand trying to be a proper young lady, but I just had to say it!

Our world is falling apart and all we can do is point fingers.

Even with all of this social media devices, I have never felt more utterly alone then I do now in this moment. Sitting here with my well groomed nail beds.

Fuck me. That is life? I cant deal with it. I mean nice nails are nice, but when I think about how I get time to actually concentrate on my nail beds and shit like that, I get really confused.

Some ppl have it so fucking horrible right now, and others can concentrate on their nail beds?????

The world we have is falling apart and all we can do is hurt.

Our world is dying and all we can do is point fingers.

Why cant I have a little less so someone else can have a little more?

Capitalist thats why. But the idea of capitalism I like .
Work hard, get on top of it. But some ppl are disabled so that creates confusion and pisses ppl off..
But, communism isnt so bad either. Everyone on the same level playing field but then their are ppl who have worked so hard their whole entire life to prepare their families for the brutal society we have made.

Its so confusing.
Cant we just all put aside our human condition of greed
Let everyone catch up, then once we have caught everyone up to everyone else their will be nothing left to fight over.

Not everyone is equal and I know that its impossible to change the way it is.
Im just
asking for
((I can’t stop thinking abt my acne medication)I get acne medication so that I can grow up confidentandthat little girl gets persecuted in Asia for speaking out)
the wealth and richesand everythingto be more spread out.

Its so fake. All of this .
You think you like me or that you ‘like’ me, and I tell you what, you are all idiotic.

We shoot each other.
I am sitting here trying to write something that I know everyone will want to hear.

And my ceilings are leaking and I need a repair man ASAP.Seewhatthefuck.Imatthesocioeconomicstatuswhere I have to worry about that.someonelseis worried about which streetcurb is cleanest.someoneelse is going to bed praying that their mom will be comprehensive tomorrow morning.someoneelseis worrying about how they are possibly going to pay forthis months $3,000 mortgage. The same girl is worried about paying for college later on.(but, thatissosellfishshecanworkjustlikeeveryoneelseand stop living off the interest from her car accident money that lawyers won)
We all need to take those human yearnings and fuckingburrythem, greed greed is the only one I can think of. Maybe thats the only one.
When you break it down thats all ppl are.
Greedy.
Greed for money.
Greed for romance.
Greed for the upper hand.

Im making those noises. Those crying kind of breath noises, bc I havent cried since I was broken during Dday#1 not even at Dday#2.
Im so sad for everyone.
What are we doing?
Would you do the same thing if you were in their shoes?

First consider; you have been brought up only knowing what they know.
Second consider; you have experienced only what they have .

Now, the choice should not be so easily made.(unless you are not on my level yet)

If you had been brought up knowing only what they know and experiencing what they have been through wouldnt YOU BE THEM?

when i dont got it, i dont have anything.

My mind cannot (or willnot) let me write this paper on social media.
I just get overwhelmed by the stupid citations and the annoying papers that I presently have spread out on my computer room floor.

I am just thinking about that book I finished today, “House Rules” by  Jodi Picoult. He was just looking out for his brother and that’s why he had to do what he did to Jess, it’s one of the HOUSE RULES, “Look out for your brother, he is the only one you’ve got.” I loved it so much. I can’t start my other book to quickly, if I do it will sort of feel like I will be cheating.

So many papers, papers that crinkle..
I love to write, but English class is killing it.

I got stuck in Eng.092. Maybe that’s a dumb thing for me to say I mean  -_-, I want to be a writor maybe one day. I guess Ill just do social work. isntsocialmediaapartofsocialwork? its going to be pretty soon.

but idk about anything, I just know I want to do art..Photo<-begining

MIDDLE VVVV

but it’s like one doesn’t really expect to make it unless they are really good.

Photo: Couldnt fall asleep, glad my parents let me be who I am and paint on their walls.<beginning

Maybe I am dumb. Ihatewritingthat because then isn’t it true?IMEANitisontheinternet ;|

I cannot say that I want to grow up and become a famous artist, because come on even I know how unrealistic that is in todays world. There are a million and a half other ppl just sitting patiently in art classes that somehow they have come into contact with enough money to afford.
I am a realist.
I know that drinkingmakes you fat and I know that relationships don’t last.
Ialso know that the fact that I love art, I also can tell you what happens to my brain when I do art. CORRECTION no I can’t put it into words right now, but let me tell you, my smile is so big.

art is what I love.
If I wasn’t broken I’d be crying right now. I havent cried since I died. I’ve tried.

art is a hobby. grow up. grow up. grow up.

I’ve grown, I am twenty now. I am not becoming a writer, and I am not becoming an artist.
Being grown means that you have to be realistic.