When I begin to remember who I am after one of my ever-present depressionbouts colors begin to explode. Colors explode when I remember who I am. I remember what I had forgotten that I so desperately needed to make sure I did not loose; that thing that I had thought for days would just ‘show up’ on its own somehow, somewhere. Now it is lost, and I am sitting here watching colors explode thinking about this thing I so desperately needed to make sure I remembered not to loose.
I, like, always felt sort of awkward when we would go out shopping for clothing as kids…
I knew how difficult things got sometimes, and so I felt badly that spending my parents money made me o so happy. My mom was happy because we were. OFCOURSETHATSHOWSHEIS,butitjustfeltsoweird. I mean, like, I saw my parents fight about it sometimes; then I saw how happy it made my sisters and I. Especially me, I just loved going to the shopping.
It gave me the heeby jeebies.
Then I met Alex. Her mom took her and me shopping all the fucking time!
Then Alex died in 2008 when I diedbutIcamebackbecause someone wants to smite me or something. Now I haven’t been shopping, like really shopping, since one day my mom took me to TJMax. She got so mad because I became entranced by the whole idea of shopping again, and, in case you do not know, TJMax is almost identical to Max’s. Max’s was where me and Alex always shopped together. I know now that that was because Max’s is located in the same mall that her mothers other favorite stores are located at.
That is when we started our teenage years of thief-ory
Now I am going to have to start buying my own shit soon, and that frightens me… Even though I definitely have more than my parents do right now.