I am happy again, thanks to Claudia, Heidi, and my future plans. (usuallyIhavetogetthroughitallonmyown,nowIhaveanacomplass)
I just got done with my ever present depression bout.
I could probabually clock it down to the day (ishouldtoo).
On the week it begins to hit me, I realize how much of a nobody I truly am.
How many goddamb ppl there are in this world(whatmakesmethinkiamsogreat?).
I get embarassed bc I thought everything I was saying was so damb perfect.
Everything was flawless, I do not read, and FUCK the idea of writing anything.
People will not ever feel the same twisted ways that I feel about things.
These depression ’bouts’ are getting shorter. (maybeitisjustweekendswhenthereisnoschooltooccupymyenergys.)
Can not w a i t for them to stop completley.
Maybe that day will come when
pe people society stops being big old, gap toothed idiot.
For now homeostasis has returned.
Everything is back, family you can rest well tonight.(maybemyfamilyisntaseffectedasithinkinmyhead)
I pray that I will be stronger next time this thing comes around again.
When I get into my bout of depression;
First, I contemplate suicide on the car ride home from DCC on friday night with my mom.
Next I try to place the blame for my bout on my inability to drive(im20,ishoulddrive.right?).
Now I try to place blame for me being unable to drive on my mom(aka:THESOURCEofMYDEPRESSION?).
“”If I were to jump, so many ppl wouldn’t notice.””
Lastly, the miserable grouch of a body that I have now come to poses as my own, blames my two beautiful alarmingly, witty sisters and their equally as dashing friends and bfs as the source of my bout of depression.
This all ends when I pick a feature about my future and make sure that it is 100% going to happen like I plan.
This bout ended when I had solidified my plan to go to get certified in physical fitness at Focus in NYC, after I get my associates at DCC majoring in social work of course.
I will be a physical therapist, and not just a personal trainer for women, or men, that are perfectly capable, but for men and women that have suffered traumatic injuries. ((braininjury?))